Saturday, November 3, 2018

Stormy Season


It is no secret that I am absolutely terrible at keeping up with this blog and update emails. Okay, I’m also terrible at keeping up with Facebook messages and emails in general, but I am working on that! I often feel guilty because I really don’t keep our supporters up to date with our lives here as well as I know I could and should. Then I realize so much has happened here that I don’t know where to begin. People ask us what we are up to in Haiti, and our easy answer is to say something along the lines of, “Oh, it’s busy living with seven kids.”

Rather than going back to the last time I updated this blog (over a year ago), I want to focus on the past five months. Roni and I celebrated our three year Haiti anniversary in July, and we celebrated our eight year wedding anniversary in August. We have had some really hard times since we’ve been married and since we’ve moved to Haiti, but these past five months have been exceptionally challenging. I feel like our heads are coming above water a bit, so we are starting to unpack some of it.

In May, we were already tired. I don’t even really remember the events that lead up to that moment, and it is probably just the general tiredness of living in a foreign land with seven kids in our home. But I know we were tired-- really tired. We had a socialization trip planned for one of the boys in our home, which means his family-to-be was coming to visit for the mandatory fifteen days to move forward in the process. This is always a bittersweet moment and highly emotional, and we were concerned that we were going into the two weeks feeling so low and so tired. But we agreed to put aside a full three days after these two weeks would be done for us to take time off and go stay away for two nights just to spend time together, away from our work and away from our kids to rest, rejuvenate, and process. That’s tough to do in a home with seven kids.

Well, the socialization trip started off really great. The parents could not be nicer people, and every single person in our house instantly loved them. But in the middle of the trip, we got news that a friend died in southern Haiti where she had been receiving medical care. She had been sick for a while, but I took it hard. There was no question about it-- I was traveling for her funeral and Roni would continue taking care of things at home. We also got a sudden referral for another one of our boys and found out his family was coming to meet him in two days-- this is something we usually have a few weeks to plan for. (Side note, their trip ended up going very well, and our whole house also loved this family immediately). So we canceled our trip away, tried to keep a positive attitude about everything, and promised to go on that trip at the end of those two weeks now turned into four weeks.

But here we are over five months later, and we still haven’t taken that trip. We are now less than one month from going to the States, so we’ve decided to wait until then and just do things a little differently when we are in America this time by taking some more time to pause. Those two weeks in May catapulted a season of some tough storms for us to ride out. Many were more personal and more difficult than others, but each one has been difficult emotionally. Here is a bullet list of some of those things:

  • Socialization trips for five of our kids: I feel like an explanation is needed because I am not saying that we had a difficult time hosting families or that we feel uneasy about who is adopting our children. That is not it at all; in fact, we are very much at peace seeing that these kids have families and are already so loved by them. These trips made the list because my introverted personality has a REALLY tough time having people in my house in general, so 9-10 weeks of visits packed into a few months was extra tough. It was also difficult emotionally-- there are so many feelings of relief and happiness also mixed with some feelings of grief. These are the uncomfortable things about foster care that no one could have prepared us for. We are very happy for the families who have been chosen for “our” kids, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard for me to process. 
  • One of these five adoptions falling through 
  • Death of a friend in Haiti + funeral 
  • Death of a young cousin (Roni) + funeral 
  • Death of a child on our campus + funeral 
  • Death of a child in COTP’s care in a hospital 
  • Death of a baby before being admitted to COTP to join her twin 
  • Death of a lady in our village 
  • More deaths: I do not like how often death happens here. 
  • Tension in our village including threats painted on the wall about Roni and another COTP employee 
  • More tension in our village that kept me awake all night a couple nights 
  • Our boss of three years moving on from COTP (very much planned, but we still had a hard time because we worked closely with him for so long and worked well with him) 
  • A new job promotion for me (again, a positive, but still stressful) 
  • Flash flooding/mudslide that destroyed a friend’s house within an hour 
  • A 5.9 earthquake that shook our entire house and caused a lot of fear in us and the kids 
  • A 5.2 earthquake the next day that also shook our entire house and strengthened that fear in some of the kids (one of which still cannot pee by himself or have doors open in case the “ghost” comes and shakes the house) 
  • Political riots: shortage of some resources, roads blocked, not safe to travel, etc. 
  • More political riots 
  • Ongoing health issues that are not yet resolved 
  • Lots of emotions from our oldest kids who don’t understand why one doesn’t have a family yet and why one is still waiting for his family to be able to come pick him up 
  • Having a collision with another moto that injured my foot just enough to be more anxious when I go out in heavy traffic 
  • Watching one of our young nannies become a grandmother 
  • Watching this same nanny become a grandmother again and seeing the worry on her face about how she is going to feed two extra mouths 
  • Watching a nanny who we love struggle in an abusive relationship but not knowing how to help 
  • Having a nanny accused of stealing by another employee - one we have been hurt by in the past for lying to us - but still finding ways to extend grace 
  • Tension in our marriage 
  • Loneliness that feels more isolating than usual, probably due to the fact that busy/difficult seasons make it hard to be social 
I am not saying any of this to complain or to try to make it look like we are better than anyone else or struggling more than anyone else. I am also not trying to make excuses for why communication has been exceptionally poor on this end. Rather I am giving you a short glimpse into the difficult season we have been in and why we have been quiet.

We are not always the best at appropriately expressing our gratitude, especially in difficult seasons. But those of you who have supported us and continue to support us have lifted our spirits immensely during difficult times. We were encouraged by reading a handwritten note by a member of one of our supporting churches the night of the first earthquake when our hearts were still racing with adrenaline. We were very thankful for the money that came to our bank account during a socialization trip so that we were able to make a fun memory and have a pizza party after a long day at the beach with the two families visiting simultaneously. We were relieved when enough money arrived within a few days to get our friend into a new house after hers collapsed. We are thankful for the individuals who consistently send us a handwritten note or a package “just because.” We are very encouraged when a friend or family member reaches out to us just to ask how we are doing, and we are reminded we are really not so isolated. We love when people ask us what we need and then seem to joyful to be able to help-- mattresses, diapers, medication, Christmas gifts, etc. Everyone in the house got excited when someone sent one of our boys his first pair of rain boots so he can help in the garden every day without getting fire ant bites. We are so, so grateful for our quiet cheerleaders who have given financially to support us every month, some of them for more than three years. We love when people sponsor a child in our home and send us a message to ask specifically what that child is up to and how they are doing. We are able to forget about all the heavy stuff when we have visitors who come down to encourage us (and even remodel our entire house!). We feel loved when someone sends us a message to tell us they are praying specifically for us and our house.

To those of you who have done anything to encourage us, especially in this stormy season, THANK YOU. We are so, so grateful for our supporters. I will try to write on this blog more often, but I don’t want to make any empty promises.



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