Loneliness and Being Forever Green

Roni and I are coming up on our two year mark in Haiti.  There are a lot of things we love about what we do here, but for me, the hardest part has been and continues to be loneliness.

We are around people all the time.  We are foster parents for eight kids, and we have two nannies who work for us every day.  We live on a campus with fourteen other international people.  We have friends outside of work from Haiti, America, and Europe who we try to see regularly.  But it is still so lonely and weird living in another culture.

I recently read a blog post that struck a chord with me.  The concept has helped me to figure out some of my loneliness.  You can check it out here:  http://joe-holman.blogspot.com/2013/02/from-land-of-blue.html.

Here is how I've related it to my life.

I am from the Land of Blue.  I think like other Blues, I talk like other Blues, and I look like other Blues.

Two years ago, I moved to the Land of Yellow to be a foster parent.  I did not think like Yellows, talk like Yellows, or look like Yellows.  At first, I tried very hard to find comfort in this strange Land of Yellow by trying to set up a living situation that mirrored the Land of Blue.  I watched the same TV shows, tried to cook the same meals, and spent time with other Blues.

Eventually I realized I now live in the Land of Yellow and I should try to be more Yellow.  So I started to be friends with Yellows and learning how to live here-- shopping in the market, helping to cook over a fire, using public transportation, etc.  No matter how Yellow I tried to be, people still saw me as a Blue wherever I went.

Since being in the Land of Yellow for almost two years, I have traveled to the Land of Blue twice.  The first time went well for the most part, and I enjoyed connecting with friends and family.  But I was still very much a Blue living in the Land of Yellow, so it makes sense that it was easy to visit.  Fast forward one year to the second visit to the Land of Blue.  It was much more difficult fitting in.  This is when I realized I'm not quite a Blue and I'm not quite a Yellow.  It made me sad, angry, and anxious.  I was having trouble figuring out why I wasn't fitting in in the Land of Blue like I used to.

This is when I realized I am forever different.  I now have an explanation for it.  I am a Green-- a mixture of a Blue and Yellow.  I still look like a Blue, talk like a Blue, and think like a Blue.  But I have had experiences that also make me think like a Yellow.  It is much more difficult to connect with other Blues now that I am a Green.  But I will never be able to be a Yellow either, no matter how hard I try to fit in with Yellows.  I will always be seen as a Blue.  Some of my closest friends in the Land of Yellow happen to be Yellows, and they still see me as a Blue in a lot of situations.  Fortunately, I have also found some great friends here who would identify as Greens.  When I am feeling very lonely and having trouble fitting in, the Greens are the ones who just seem to get it.  The Greens are the ones who know what it means when I say I'm running on fumes.  The Greens are the ones who feel just as lonely as I do.  It's not easy being a Green, and sometimes I need another Green to empathize with this.

Roni and I have another trip coming up next week to the Land of Blue.  I am looking forward to it but am also anxious.  It is very difficult to summarize what we do here in the Land of Yellow when things seem so far removed in the Land of Blue.  I will be seen as a Blue and expected to relate as a Blue, but I am a Green.

In the Land of Yellow, I also have a hard time being a Green.  I try hard to be a Yellow sometimes.  But I will always be a Blue in their eyes.  

I will never be able to become fully Yellow because I did not grow up here.  I will never be able to return to being fully Blue because the experiences I'm having here are forever shaping my heart and my way of thinking.  I am forever a Green.

A Year in Review

Alright, I have done an absolutely terrible job at keeping up with this blog.  Embarrassingly, my last post was in November 2015.  But it’s January, and I can make some goals for 2017, right?

So what has happened since the last post?  In short, a lot!  I like “year in review” updates, so here is a simplified and long overdue version.

December 2015

We moved in this little one, our fifth child and our first (and still only) girl.  J loved to “scream cry” and did this for about two weeks straight while she was adjusting to her new home, house parents, friends, nannies, schedule, food, etc.

This little guy’s small operation was scheduled for November but didn’t work out for various reasons.  So he got it done in December.  Unfortunately, we were not able to be here for it, and it was very hard on us.  We made so many phone calls from buses and taxis that day.

This is the reason we missed it.  We got to meet up with my brother, Chris, and sister-in-law, Ashley, for a much needed vacation in Punta Cana.  Here they are on the plane before they arrived to meet us.

We also got to see our pal, Glenn, who we got to know through our church in Nashville.  We ate so much good food in Santiago.

We had our first annual Christmas dinner at our house with all our kids, nannies, and some friends. 

Check out the turkey!

Whew, that month was busy!

January 2016

We were gifted with Christmas money to take all our nannies and kids to the beach.  Our friend, Courtney, joined us.

This little guy celebrated his fourth birthday.

This little guy had a small procedure, which required a night at the hospital we won’t ever forget.  We spent the night in the same room with one of our nannies because of an emergency operation for her youngest child.  We were also there with one of our other nannies, who was there with her baby, who unfortunately ended up passing away at the hospital.

And we were also there with this cute little guy who we met that night because the hospital was overcrowded due to ongoing strikes.

Surprise!  He moved in with us.  This is Baby T, our sixth child.

February 2016

This month was pretty much spent adjusting to life with another preemie in our house and gearing up for our first trip to the States since moving here.  We spent three weeks in the States catching up with friends and family, eating tons of food, and trying to rest.

March 2016

Remember our nanny’s little guy who had an operation in January?  Well, he had to have another one in March.  We went to visit him in the hospital right before surgery, but he was delayed because he needed blood.  In Haiti, you can go buy blood or you can have someone donate.  So I got to donate for the first time in a long time since I am ineligible in the States (traveled too frequently to Haiti).  I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink yet that day since we were in a hurry, so I went to the street, had some street food and a bottle of water, and off we went.

We got to host our first visitors since living here!  It was so nice to see familiar faces in Haiti.  Bill and Mary Ann have been coming to Haiti for years doing short term missions, but they came on this trip just to spend time with us and encourage us.  It was such a nice visit.

April 2016

We moved in our seventh and last child, S.  For the most part, it was a smooth transition since he had already lived at COTP for a couple months before moving into our house.

We celebrated my 27^th birthday.  I chose to go to the beach (Why wouldn’t I?).  This was our first overnight trip in Haiti, and it was a wonderful getaway.

May 2016

Okay, we didn’t really celebrate Mother’s Day, but look at this adorable picture on Haitian Mother’s Day!  M and two of his nannies.

We celebrated F’s fourth birthday.  He loooooooooves tacos and sombreros, so we killed two birds with one stone and celebrated Cinco de Mayo the same day.

June 2016

This guy turned one!  He got to celebrate with three of his sponsors with a trip to the beach, presents, and cake.

Roni and I also got a nice Groupon deal for an all inclusive in the Dominican Republic a few hours from the border.  It was such a nice break.  Our house was very well taken care of by our friends, Al and Mindy, and our nannies.

July 2016

We don’t have many pictures from this month, so I think we were kind of in survival mode for a little while.  We did go to our first Haitian funeral.  Not a great reason to be dressed up, but here is a picture anyway.

August 2016

We celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary.

And I realized I lost over 40 pounds since living in Haiti.

September 2016

A and F started school.  They go to a Christian school that is taught in English.  We are so, so happy for them to have this opportunity.  And look how cute they look!

T got his first haircut.  Here is a picture when it was halfway done.

October 2016

Roni celebrated his 31^st birthday, and B celebrated his 3^rd birthday.

Here we are preparing for Hurricane Matthew the day before it was due to hit Haiti.  Fortunately and still shockingly, our area was totally spared from damage.  Southern Haiti got a lot of damage.  It was very unnerving watching the news and bracing ourselves for what could have been very bad.  Praise God we were spared!

November 2016

My mom came to visit.  We had all kinds of plans to show her our favorite spots, including a beautiful beach resort, but instead we got to share a hotel room when we all thought for a few scary minutes that we might not survive the flash flooding.  Here is a picture of my mom on a moto during the one sunny day she had here.

Remember how we were spared from the hurricane?  Well, we had over 40” of rain in about a week.  So many of you reading this have helped us help our Haitian friends who lost everything or close to everything.  It was a very difficult month for us because the rains lasted for weeks, and we saw a lot of people we love struggling.

Fortunately, the rains slowed down, and the month ended well when this little guy celebrated his 1^st birthday.  We no longer have anyone under the age of one in our house!

December 2016

This pretty girl turned two.

We had our second annual Christmas dinner, this time with some of the nannies’ kids.  It was a great time spent just relaxing and visiting with each other.

On Christmas Day, we had a fun time opening presents and playing with new toys.  THANK YOU to everyone who sent gifts-- sponsors, friends, and churches.

So, what are we up to now, you ask?  We are still super busy with our home but loving it.  We still have all seven kids with us.  Please pray for adoptions to move forward for them and their families.  We are also managing another child home while they are waiting for the next house parent(s) to accept the position and move in.  It is a very busy season, but we are loving our work here.

And what do we have coming up in the near future?  On February 12, Roni will run his second ever marathon, and this time, IN HAITI.  He is trying to raise $26,200, which is approximately what it takes to run our house for a year (groceries, diapers, formula, medical needs, nanny salaries, etc.).  If you are interested in watching a great video and donating to his run, you can click HERE.  I would be so happy to see him reach his goal!

And finally, we will be visiting the States in February/March for three weeks.  So if you live near Nashville or Pittsburgh and want to catch up, let’s talk.  :)

Thanks for hanging in there!  I will try much harder to keep this up to date.

And then there were four.

At the time of our last post, we had only one baby living with us in our temporary apartment.  A lot has happened since then!

We moved into the Hope House.

This was taken on our porch about a week before we moved in.

Kitchen/Dining Area

Main bathroom

Main bathroom - changing station

Master suite

Master suite - room for entertaining and relaxing

Our next two boys moved in with us at the beginning of October.

Our fourth boy moved in with us last week.

Baby M tripled in weight and somehow got even cuter.

5 weeks old

Almost four months old

Taking advantage of these bubble baths before he outgrows the sink  :)

As a followup to our last post, we have not yet found all of Baby M's sponsors.  You can read our last post for more details about how to sign up.


And finally... this guy turned 30!  Check him out with his only birthday present he was given on his big day.  Our neighbor rode her moto over to our house the night of his birthday, came inside and said she had a present, and pulled this out.

Introducing Baby M

We have been in Haiti just over a month now.  I could use this time to update you on the construction of our house and tell you stories of how we are learning to do life here in Haiti, but I would rather focus on something more important:  our first foster baby.

I will keep this short and sweet, but I would like to introduce Baby M.  Roni and I learned of Baby M the night of July 28, and we went to the hospital to bring him home on July 29.  We both knew we were bringing home a baby boy, but I was surprised when a staff member helped me pick out clothes and diapers that were for preemies.  In my mind, I was picturing a baby close to 8-10 months.  I guess we didn’t ask any questions—we just said “yes, we’re ready.”  We had three weeks to settle in, and we were ready to start what we came here to do.

 

We have quickly fallen in love with this little guy.  He really is a great baby, and we think he is pretty cute!  He has become a great eater and gained a full pound in the first week we’ve lived with him. 

As you can imagine, he is using a lot of formula and diapers.  Finding 12 sponsors at $35/month will fully cover his expenses to live here with us.  We have already found one sponsor, so we only need 11 more.  Can you be one of Baby M’s 12?

To sign up for child sponsorship for Baby M or any child at COTP, click HERE.

We hope to post pictures of the Hope House soon.  In the meantime, please pray that Baby M continues to adjust well, remain healthy, and gain weight.

Children of the Promise has given explicit permission for the posting of photos on this site.  Photos taken of children in the care of Children of the Promise are not to be posted publicly without explicit permission given by Children of the Promise.

I apologize for letting two months pass without another blog post.  People have been asking us if we were going to send out an update, but I don’t think either of us have had the energy or motivation to do it.  Please bear with us during this crazy time of transition.

May 22 was my last day of work.  This was a hard day because I had to walk away from a job that I loved and the best coworkers anyone could ask for.  This day was most difficult because late that night we got a phone call with news that my brother, Mike, had died.  We had a lot of tough goodbyes, but saying goodbye to Mike was by far the toughest.  This is the main reason we got backed up on thank you cards/emails, blog writing, and well—everything else.  Even though we postponed our move to Haiti by a couple weeks, we still left a lot of loose ends.  If we didn’t get to say goodbye to you, it wasn’t because we didn’t want to see you, but life got pretty hard for those weeks leading up to our move.  We were dealing with the loss of a brother on top of leaving jobs, saying goodbye to friends, leaving our home of six years, saying goodbye to our church family, shopping, packing, fitting our entire lives into one vehicle, traveling, saying goodbye to family, selecting new health insurance, getting vaccinations, buying medication, and all the other time consuming tasks that go along with moving to a third world country.  Grief is hard.  Moving to another country is hard.  Experiencing both of these at the same time is really, really hard!

Despite the really hard stuff, we had a great sendoff for our move.  Old friends and new friends in Nashville made sure our bellies were so full of good food and drinks and that we got plenty of encouragement during our last two weeks there.  Leaving Nashville was much harder than we ever could imagine.

We then spent two weeks in Pennsylvania trying our best to relax but also see family and friends.  Despite the loss of a brother, my side of the family still gathered as planned to make a week of memories together.  It was very healing for us to all be together, but it certainly made it much more difficult to say goodbye.  I think we ran out of tears by the end of our month-long goodbyes.

We had one last night of fun spent in Pittsburgh with family and friends and ate everything we wanted to.  I was having a high anxiety moment just before we got to the airport, and my brother, Chris, comforted me by saying I could just back out and he could turn around and go home.  These were the same comforting words he gave me as the music began playing at our wedding.  :)  Obviously I do not always take his advice.

We have been in Haiti for a full week now, and we have lots to share.  Stay tuned for another update soon.  If you are praying with us, please continue to pray for energy and peace as we are transitioning and grieving on many levels.

-- Steph