When
people ask Roni and I what we do in Haiti, we usually respond with
something general, simply saying that we are foster parents for eight
kids. After this, the conversation typically goes one of two ways.
Some people ask us what else we do (assuming being foster parents for
eight kids can't possibly be someone's full time job), and others tell
us how amazing we are for taking care of eight kids in a foreign
country. The latter is the one that bothers me most. First, it bothers
me that being a foster parent seems so extraordinary when it really
should be a lot more common. Second, it bothers me that we are getting
credit for taking care of the kids when there are so many more adults
involved in running our home. This is what I want to share about today.
Before
moving to Haiti, one of my biggest concerns was the anticipated lack of
privacy. There were two child homes running at COTP when we accepted
our positions, and both sets of house parents were very honest and
transparent about their victories and struggles in their homes up to
this point. I remember cringing at the idea of having 24/7 nannies
and having to share things like the kitchen space and cooking tools.
At this point, Roni and I had been married for almost five years,
living in an apartment with no one but the two of us. We knew sharing
our time and space with kids would be difficult, but that was what we
were signing up for. We weren't so pumped to share time and space with
other adults we had yet to meet.
Fast
forward to July 2015, a few weeks after we moved to Haiti. We moved in
our first baby as a six-week-old preemie. We were taking Kreyòl
classes in the mornings and relying on others to babysit Baby M a few
hours each day. It quickly made sense to start our first nanny as his
caregiver when we needed some help. Our first few days were
uncomfortable right away. She was in our very small temporary apartment
for eight hour shifts, even when we only needed her for two hours or so
each morning. She would come in and immediately start washing all our
dishes, even when we told her not to. She would make our bed and fold
our laundry, which made us even more uncomfortable. She spoke Kreyòl
only, and because she was illiterate, we could barely communicate even
with a dictionary because we had to try to sound the word out in Kreyòl
and look it up ourselves before attempting to know what she was saying.
Fast
forward again to October 2015. We now lived in the Hope House, had
three kids living with us, and had four nannies working for us (two each
day). The kids were difficult to care for, especially the two older
ones who were both three-years-old at the time and confused about their
new living situation. But the nannies made our days much more difficult
than the kids. They never seemed to prepare meals on time and always
seemed to make way too much. They always served "salad" (raw onion
slices) on our plates and the kids' plates, which none of us enjoyed.
They served the kids unhealthy meals, such as a pasty porridge made of
oil, sugar, flour, and water. They washed all of our shoes without us
wanting that done, which caused rashes on Roni's feet (allergy to that
detergent) and delayed going out because all our shoes were missing or
wet. They sang too loudly inside of the house. They weren't gentle
with our new Ninja blender. They put church clothes on our kids for
play time, ruining outfits quickly. They didn't discipline the kids the
way we thought they should discipline. They allowed the kids to pick
at their food and refuse to eat any vegetables. They slept with the
lights on at night. They peed in mop buckets instead of the toilets
during the night. They knocked on our bedroom door constantly, even if
we were trying to rest. They stained clothes and our brand new sheets
with bleach. They changed diapers in the middle of the living room on
the bare floor. They spoon fed the three-year-olds and swore they were
too little to chew meat. They mopped with dirty water every single time
a tiny spill occurred. They were more of a bother than a help, and
they were constantly on my nerves. Roni and I lasted a couple weeks
with 24/7 nannies, and we immediately began scheduling them for
8-4 shifts. This was hard at first because the kids had never slept in
rooms without adults, but we quickly got into a good rhythm.
Fast
forward one more time to today. We've had a lot of changes in our
staff, but three have been with us since the first few months we were in
Haiti. We currently have two additional nannies working with us, for a
total of five. In a unique way, all of them have become like family to
us. There is NO WAY we could do what we do without these ladies! Here
are some of the examples of how we live and work together:
We
plan the grocery list and meals together each week and get excited
about new dishes that incorporate things like red palm oil, spinach,
bulgur, etc. for the health of everyone in the house. I now like to
share the rare treats we get like bacon and spiral ham so we can all
enjoy them together. In the same way, they get excited to share rare
treats that they buy or cook and bring for us to try.
The
nannies do not knock on our door often at all, which gives us a chance
to rest. If our bedroom door is closed, the rule is that someone needs
to be bleeding, dying, or have a fever of 101.5° or higher. As a funny
example of how strictly they apply this rule, they didn't come knock
when one of the international staff members came to say goodbye before
catching her flight to the States when she moved back. They told me the
next day, and they said no one was bleeding, dying, or feverish so they
didn't knock. :)
If
I'm sick, the nannies are very attentive to my needs. They will go to
the pharmacy before work to buy me meds, even if I don't ask. They make
me soup if I have an upset stomach. They make me herbal tea from dried
herbs bought at the market if I have a fever when it's cold or a sore
throat. They take all the kids out of the house for hours to make sure I
can rest in peace and quiet. They often stay late for no extra pay
without having to ask just to get dinner prepared so I don't have to
stand up and make a meal when I'm not well.
The
nannies are the best nurses for our kids. When Roni and I have no
energy left and need help with a child who has a high fever, our nannies
will get right out of bed in the middle of the night. They work with
us to record temperatures and medication on our white board so we are
all aware of what is going on. If a child wakes up with a high fever in
the middle of the night and a nanny finds them first, they never
hesitate to knock on our door or come in and wake us up from a dead
sleep. They are genuinely concerned and sad when one of our kids is
sick. Our youngest recently had a fever around 104° for a few days and
wouldn't eat or talk. One nanny walked over two miles round trip on her
day off (after being up much of the night before with him) to come
check on him in person and see for herself if he as improving. They are
extremely attentive and affectionate with our kids, and we have two
nannies in particular who we always call in for extra help when a child
is sick. I would have surely gone insane the time we had seven with
fevers, vomiting, and diarrhea at the same time if we didn't have the
nannies helping out and staying up all night with us.
Our
nannies are not afraid to call us out on things but do so in a
respectful way. If they catch me slamming a door, they will calmly ask
me why or if I'm mad when they know it is the appropriate time. If I am
too hard on a child because I've lost my patience, they'll tell me to
try to find more grace. If I am telling them things they already know,
they will tell me I don't need to waste so much time and that they'll
ask questions if they have them. There is a much better level of
comfort for all of us to be a little more honest and direct, which I
like.
We
are constantly trying to think of how to improve things, and we do it
together. Before, the nannies told me I was hard to work for because I
changed things too much (schedules, sleeping arrangements, work
assignments, etc.). But now, they often have suggestions to change
things. They've helped me make a cleaning schedule for the house. They
requested a gate to separate the living area from the kitchen, which
has been a wonderful improvement for safety when someone is cooking.
They asked for specific detergent for our boys' school uniforms to keep
them nicer for the year.
I
think what I love most of all is that our nannies tell us they are
proud of their work. They enjoy when visitors walk through our house
and talk about what is good-- cleanliness, the schedule, kids who
listen, nannies playing with kids instead of just sitting and watching,
etc. They are proud when we have little victories, like keeping pinkeye
out of our house during the recent outbreak. They have already been
"scrubbing in" for work for two years (washing hands and changing
clothes before working or holding kids), but they really up their game
with hand washing for everyone when we hear of something going around.
They are proud when they think of how much cleaner and healthier the
kids are in general at COTP now that we have child homes. They are so
proud when they compare their own work ethic in the old "baby house" at
COTP to where it is now. They are proud to work for an organization
that believes in them and values them.
Would you consider partnering with us to ensure our nannies get a paycheck, health savings, and school savings each month? Please consider donating one day of your wages to give to these ladies who do so much for us and the kids. You can donate online HERE.
Children of the Promise has given explicit permission for the posting of photos on this site. Photos taken of children in the care of Children of the Promise are not to be posted publicly without explicit permission given by Children of the Promise.
